In the news: Malacanang has issued a statement after Noynoy’s announcement of his candidacy as President. Lakas-Kampi-CMD Secretary General Gabriel Claudio said that they were happy and wishes Noynoy well. At the same time, The Pinoy Chuva has heard rumors that draft statements were made prior to the announcement. Here are some of the unofficial and rejected statements in response to Noynoy’s candidacy:
1. We respect Noynoy’s decision to run for the Presidency. Although, we have reason to believe that his spiritual retreat in Zamboanga is just a gimmick. We have heard that from Zamboanga he has decided to go to Pampanga. According to our sources, he asked a boy name Santino to talk to a certain Bro for divine intervention. The episode will air soon in a major network for 5 days and we will tape the episodes as proof.
2. We wish Noynoy Aquino all the best for his decision to run for Presidency. Although, he may have to wait as we don’t know how long President Gloria will stay in power. We just found out that the Presidential chair is still too high that’s why the President is having a difficult time to step down. Hindi pa rin niya maabot ang floor. Maybe after 2010.
3. We are happy for Noynoy Aquino, but he has to find a way on how he can keep Korina from crying. Good luck!
4. We wish Noynoy well. Good luck na lang kung manalo siya sa amin. We have the “political machinery” on our side (pats and kisses the automated voting machine).
5. Gloria: “Noynoy, dish ish Gloria no. I’ve heard you’ve finally announced your candidacy ash shtandard bearer of the Liberal Party. Congrashulations! (ka-tono ng Wowowee girl). Sho when are you gueshting sha Wowowee?”
In Other Unreliable Press Releases:
1) ABS-CBN has decided to cancel Ruffa and Ai and replace it with a new morning show. Charo Santos has originally planned to revive Morning Girls with Kris and Korina but has decided to go with Morning Boys with Noy and Mar.
2) While NoyNoy Aquino was making it clear that he is accepting the challenge and will run for President, a sudden loud cry was heard. Everyone thought it was Korina Sanchez but it turned out to be Mar Roxas.
To whoever is the designer of the P500 bill posted above. Please leave a comment and so that I can acknowledge this properly. I got this from a friend and she got it from a forum and forum got it from… oh, you know the story.